Today In Headlines

AP sources: Clapper leading choice for intel job

At least now we know why our intelligence info has been so unreliable lately!

At worst, oil spewed already could fill 102 gyms

Who can relate to that? Gyms come in all different sizes. Isn't the gold standard Olympic-sized swimming pools?

A heart attack shouldn't kill your sex life

This is so unclear. Do they mean a heart attack during sex? Even if you die? What, I'm just askin'?

Obama Sketches Energy Plan in Oil

Just the latest indication of Bobo's incompetence – you sketch in pencil, you paint in oil.

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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16 Responses to Today In Headlines

  1. Do a follow up Ted on headlines that you'd like to see.

  2. Darcy says:

    How about this one — currently on DrudgePALIN: 'I can see November from my house'…

  3. Darcy says:

    You've been mighty quiet…. computer trouble again?

  4. TedWest says:

    Actually, I am having minor computer problems – I can't get my rear speakers to work on my surround sound. THe major problem I'm having is with absolutely everything else. For example, I got your email notice and as I was going here, the PBS Memorial Day special was coming on – and immediately there was filth on my screen ! The House Sow! On Memorial Day! On MY screen! God has sure made a lot of filth!So how are you?

  5. TedWest says:

    So do you like hummus?

  6. TedWest says:

    OK then, here's the deal. I made the best hummus ever. Then I made my special Belgian waffle recipe and put the hummus on top. My wife went wilder than she has in years!

  7. Darcy says:

    LOL– I'll bet you both feasted on it.

  8. TedWest says:

    The interesting thing about your comment is that you used the same word she does, and even though it's not an uncommon word, I'd never heard someone use it routinely as she and you seem do. My idea of feasting involves running down and killing something and then ripping it apart in a furious frenzy of gorging. while viciously snapping at anyone who gets too close to your portion of the remains. Which of course does happen in our house, but not with hummus since there was more than enough to go around.

  9. Darcy says:

    Remind me to stay out of your way.

  10. TedWest says:

    That's only becoming clear now?Which reminds me… we're watching the basketball playoffs and Kobe Bryant has had an injured hand for most of the year. So I'm screaming – "Why isn't every Sun's player kicking that hand every time down the court?" Sure it would be a flagrant foul, but hopefully it would only take a few before he's out of the series.

  11. Headline News is usually contradicted in the 2nd to the last paragraph of the article.
    I am not watching the finals this year because I can't stand either team. I was surprised Kobe's wife settled for a 4 carat ring. I would have insisted on a GPS chip implant in his 'weewee' first.
    Kicking Kobe's hand isn't as easy as it sounds. Maybe, someone should knock him to the floor, and have their fattest guy do the Mexican Hat Dance on his hand.
    I say let the Los Suns be supported by the illegal immigrants they love so much, not hard-working, tax paying American slobs. See how long it takes for them to go broke. Hah! No Espanol, Senor Owner.

  12. TedWest says:

    Well, at least I'm starting to understand why I'm your kind of guy!Do you watch Burn Notice? You may just be the Fiona of Vox!

  13. Of course, I watch Burn Notice. He is so cute , but so is she. Well, I have a Mossberg, a Reuger .22 rifle w/a double banana clip and a Beretta w/o the bird. And I am deadly at 50 yds. I'll take the Fiona as a compliment, thank you!

  14. TedWest says:

    I was watching last night, and I was laughing out loud. Fi is THE BEST character on TV. Gabrielle Anwar is so little and she's deadly believable- every man's dream! Not to mention she's the sexiest 40+ woman ever!

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