The Joke Of The Day

Did you hear the one about the President who went to Afghanistan and demanded that Hamid Karzai put a stop to the corruption?

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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51 Responses to The Joke Of The Day

  1. Ima says:

    The U.S current government are known for their corruption(the joke!! & fact), as result Karzai, remaining true to the democratic model of politics and refused to take any responsibility for the continuous bombings of Afghan civilians by the US..It is a sad state of affairs when the rulers in the Muslim lands follow the example of the corrupt democratic politics of “lie-then-spin”.!!

  2. Omari Omarya says:

    Salam
    I don't think that is a joke! We are joking, they have a great program to do. We have, all the world, not only Muslims, to WAKE UP!
    Peace and love!

  3. Omari Omarya says:

    Yes! Muslims are only the first step!

  4. TedWest says:

    Oy, you misread my "Oy!"!
    I had no idea what you were talking about the first time. At least I understood your sentence if not your intent, in your second try.

  5. Omari Omarya says:

    Sorry, yes, I haven’t understood! Excuse me, please!
    But, can you see around you, truly Muslims are killed, was killed, will be killed…but others are killed also:
    1- In Congo, the army of god.
    2- The swine flu conspiracy has killed many people in Mexico and others…
    3- In the 9/11!!!
    4- Why, in Katrina, people are loosed by their state!!!
    5- Why people are dying today because of hunger, while many countries damage tons of wheat in the sea!!!
    6- Russia's population decreased by 10 million people!!!

    You will understand that the enemy of all people, and especially honest people, is governing the world.
    You can notice also, that many years ago, in 1930 and before, Christian women dressed honestly: long sleeves, wide skirts, not too short or their hair was covered by a cap or a beautiful tissue but now she does not dress nearly, they forget to wear any thing lol

    In 1930, a dressmaker designed a dress with short sleeves, so thousands women have come forward against this habit considered outside the norm of society!!!

    Peace and love for all people!

  6. TedWest says:

    Where have you been all my life, O? I love you, man! How about we let women wear short sleeves and simply cut off their arms? Can you tell us where you're located?

  7. Ima says:

    Ted its our principle that women cover, as it is part of Islamic faith ,
    There are some very fundamental flaws in secularism and democracy. And this is the issue of right and wrong itself. The issue of fairness and justice. Who decides what? How do we decide? Each group in the state will have their own notions of right and wrong. For example, staunch christians wont want to legalize prostitution. But liberals would. So who's right? In the secular system, we all have to agree to suspend our own (groups') notion of right and wrong and debate these issues together to come up with the laws that we will use to govern ourselves. Laws are proposed and debated and if the majority votes approve then it is passed or rejected if the opposite happens. So, what this means in practice is that, if your group is small, and your views are at odds with the majority, you will have to swallow the knife and suffer the indignities that result. If you want to stay on in that country of course.
    So, in a secular democratic country (which every country seems to be falling over themselves to be) if it so happens that the group of Satanic Worshippers become the majority, then laws that are more inline with their beliefs will be passed in parliament! And all other groups will have to abide by them. Even if you are at odds with it.
    Neither are the missionaries of western values willing to consider why Europe, the heart of the west, should have generated two world wars which killed more civilians than all the wars of the previous 20 centuries. As Muslims point out, we are asked to call them "world wars" despite their reality as western wars, which targeted civilians with weapons of mass destruction at a time when Islam was largely at peace. We can enrich each other if we choose to embrace our essential humanity; we can destroy the world if we choose to stress our differences.

  8. Omari Omarya says:

    ALLAH bless you dear siter!
    I think that many people today want to be guiden by satan!

  9. Omari Omarya says:

    I am not a man! I am a Muslim, covered, woman! I believe on ALLAH! I have chosen to cover my self, my parents were against, but I have persuaded theme, it is my right to obey my GOD!

  10. TedWest says:

    Darcy and Zak, you think I wouldn't realize that today is April 1st?
    OK, I'll play along. So Ima, I embrace my essential humanity several times a week, how about you? But here's what kills me… we both hate these secular left, so why don't we embrace their essential necks? Otherwise, I don't see how you reconcile your lofty goals with the reality that liberals are always going to want to normalize things that any decent person would find repulsive?
    In other words, you can say, "Come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody get together and love one another, but liberals are always going to want open abortion and televised Super Bowl nudity.
    What's hilarious to me is that they seem to favor the Muslim cause more than any other western group, yet they are so stupid that they don't realize that in a Muslim dominated society, their goals of homosexuals on every street corner and a half-naked woman in the driver's seat of every car would be the first things stamped out just before they were all beheaded, and that Christian right values are far closer to Muslim values.
    So in a society where we all embrace our humanity, they'll be the ones doing it in the closet if you see what I mean?

  11. TedWest says:

    Omari, please forgive me. I admit that I thought you might be a woman, but I felt that if Ima was a woman and you were too, that you'd have taken the name "Youra," if you were a woman too.
    Believe me, I respect your desire to be fully covered. When you mentioned the short sleeves, I was thinking that I wasn't bothered by seeing a woman's arms because I grew up in an era when they were already and always exposed. It was the short shorts that were so tight that they outlined everything that got to me, and forget about the guy who discovered short sleeves, the guy who invented crotchless panties is the real sinner, and he's probably still around, but you probably don't know what I'm talking about, and I'd like to keep it that way.
    Anyway, if I had a daughter, I'd want nothing more than to put her in a full body sack and not have her date until she was at least thirty or until she got so fat that no one would want her anyway, whichever came later.
    So you really have my complete understanding . I don't know how you happened to think that of all the people on Vox, I'd be the most sympathetic, but I thank you for putting your faith in me, and if I can be a bridge between Muslims and the civilized world, nothing would please me more.

  12. Ima says:

    There are millions of Christians, who have in essence the same culture with their Muslim counterparts in much the same way as most Americans, regardless of religion, have the same culture. It is those Christians and Muslims alike who reject these "modern" notions such as abortion, birth control, sodomy, pornography, usury banking, and "market value" of services and resources.
    They still view the family, the traditional family, with all its traditional roles, as the most important building block of their society, and they take very seriously anything that threatens it. They recognize the value of their children, and how dangerous the moral relativism of the West has become, threatening the stability of society directly. They recognize that if their children and society as a whole are subjected to ideas that promote moral decay for an extended period of time, what will eventually and unavoidably be produced is national decay.

  13. TedWest says:

    I couldn't have said it any better than that, and I'm in virtually complete agreement. The only thing I would question ever so delicately is this: are Muslims against all forms of sodomy? I don't ask for myself of course, but because I know that even for some very good Christians, that might be a deal breaker?

  14. Ima says:

    Westerners need to look to their own attitudes here and recognise that only very recently have patriarchal structures begun to erode in the west.The negative attitudes of the West have been deeply embedded into the Western psyche as a result of centuries of misunderstanding, propaganda and fear. It is up to the Western nation to take a step towards understanding the religion of Islam in its entirety.

  15. TedWest says:

    See, here's the problem with that… everybody wants Islam to be the religion of peace, but Muslims keep doing things that cause people to think that while there's all kinds of peace, maybe the kind of peace Islam wants isn't so peaceful for everybody else? So they aren't as inclined as they should be to take the time to understand Islam in its entirety when they're trying to avoid being killed by a part of it?!?

  16. Ima says:

    Ted you cannot agree with us or side with islam, its yur choice but keep to yurself we ain't force you to be like us

    Hater will
    Never admit or recognise any suffering or wronging of the group they hate. Those who are extreme in their hatred will go out of their way to make light of the suffering of the group they hate, while other lesser haters may simply be silent about the matter.
    and we don't care !!
    .

  17. TedWest says:

    See, that is the bottom line, isn't it… you don't care. That's where you're like liberals – you want what you want, and everybody else be damned. But if you don't care, why should anyone care about you? You started off preaching love, but now it appears that your love doesn't extend very far. Christians are told that when they are wronged, they should turn the other cheek. But I'm not a Christian, and I'm not even a Jew who seeks an eye for an eye. If you wrong me, I want two eyes for an eye. And what's worse is that the only oppression you experience is either self-imposed or at the hands of your own rulers and religious leaders. Maybe it's time to take a tip from that Burka gal on the Saudi X-Factor and tell your Imams where to shove it. Trust me, God will forgive that act of sodomy, and so will the rest of the world.

  18. Ima says:

    i don;t care abt yur hate thats it !!

  19. TedWest says:

    What hate? I try to be understanding, I ask questions which you don't answer in an attempt to learn, and all of a sudden I'm the bad guy? How do you expect to dialogue with people who aren't like you if you're so touchy, and I mean that in the nicest way, you know, without actually touching or even seeing any part of you. For my point of view, you seem to already have worked yourself up into shopping for suicide belts?!?

  20. Thanks for the joke, Ted. Missed you too.Did you hear about the President who was so pro-environment and green technology that he decided to "drill baby drill"? 😉

  21. TedWest says:

    A joke? Mais non, I feel that God had a hand in bringing these women to me. You know He and I have been on the outs, and I saw this as an opportunity to show I was human. I felt God wanted me to do everything I could to extend myself, and not in a bad way, but extend myself like I've never extended myself before so that maybe, just maybe, I could bring people together and be their Bridge to Nowhere.
    Now about drilling… I don't want to to worry your pretty little head. You know that now one knows Obama like I do, and I can assure you that there won't be a single additional drop of oil no matter what you may hear.

  22. What is Afghanistan's rank on the World Corruption Index, anyways..?

  23. TedWest says:

    I wouldn't know, but can't you see it from where you live? Maybe you could walk on over and ask somebody? On a related subject, I love their hounds

  24. Omari Omarya says:

    Aw, you don't need to apologize!!! Ted! Please, don’t ask me this again; I forgive all people, because ALLAH FORGIVES those who excuse people. Islam has taught us, that more we are tolerant with people, ALLAH WILL BE with us. So for that we are happy in our life.(look for the rate of suicide in the world)
    In my point of view, you are innocent even you insult Islam! Why? Because you don’t know what Islam is, you see and read 24/24 artificial news about Islam and Muslims, so that you can never admit what I tell you.
    We are negotiating, it isn’t a problem that you expose your point of view and I do the same thing. More you speak more I respect you, more I understand you, and you understand me!
    In our civilization, women are reverent, like a rare beautiful flower! More they became old more they were respected by all the family, the neighbours…because, they was honest all their life, they have known one men who is their lawful companion, their husband. I remember, now, a Lebanese Christian singer whom said:
    “If I can cover her…
    And don’t let any one to see her…
    Any one to speak with her…
    I put her in my eyes…
    I cover her and I will sing only for her” ….no comment!
    (I must notice that songs are forbidden in Islam, because they push young people to commit crimes like rape…)

    We, Muslims, must help others to see the real face of Islam; Islam is obedience, yes, but only to ALLAH not to a man or our desires. The Holy Quran is a book of 604 pages; you can read it, if you want to know.

  25. Omari Omarya says:

    Salam Ima,
    Dear sister, you see on TV the real face of usa, and israel, do you think that they see the same think?
    You feel in Islam as the beautiful religion, you thinj that they feel it?
    Islam is love and Peace, yes, but in the point of view of Muslims.
    But others, especially, poor people, we all know that they are deceived by the zionist propaganda.

  26. Ima says:

    Waalaikum salam wr br , Sister
    Allah (swt) has blessed our Ummah with good people and blessed our lands with tremendous wealth – we do not need their paper dollars that steadily lose their value every day.May Allah (swt) guide this us, restore our izzah, and grant us a righteous leadership that will implement upon us Islam and rid us of the interference of the colonial powers.Ameen ..

  27. Omari Omarya says:

    Wa alaykom salam ALLAH wa barakatoh
    Ima, dear Ima! Ameen Ameen Ameen! It is an honour for all Muslims!
    This moment is coming very soon. A former Mayor of al-Quds, a jews, has take years to find out the history of Al Quds.
    A journalist asked him:
    – After years of study what is your idea about this conflict?
    – In the same circumstances Salah Eddeen Al Ayoubi, appeared!

    May ALLAH GUIDE all people to discover Islam, enshALLAH!
    May ALLAH protect you dear Ima

  28. Actually I thought you'd know since your nation has invested a lot of its expenditure there, with your support if I recall…

  29. TedWest says:

    I supported the war. I don't support this. You're probably not aware of my One-Day Doctrine which was not in effect at the time. I now feel, nay demand, that any war America enters into should last more than one day.
    Actually, the doctrine is old, I just assigned it a new name. It should really be called The Day The Earth Stood Still Doctrine, i.e. people can fight amongst themselves all they want, but if they threaten to export their violence, they should be obliterated.
    We were on the right track with the Indians here, and then somewhere along the line, something went terribly wrong. Now we have a tribe which recently bought land in Glendale, and they're trying to make a reservation out of it. You see what I'm saying? An abandoned gas station and a gaming license is all the Indians should have ever gotten. Unfortunately, gas stations weren't invented until the late nineteenth century.

  30. TedWest says:

    Omari, I see that you're well-intentioned, and I want to respect you insofar as I am able, but that will end if you mention another word about "zionist propaganda." That's a manufactured concept employed by Muslims to excuse the fact that they have made no progress in the modern age. Instead of adopting and advancing, they blame "the Zionists." You can believe that nonsense if you choose, but it has cost too many Jews their lives, and it will not be tolerated here.

  31. TedWest says:

    Ima,
    "Allah (swt) has blessed our Ummah with good people and blessed our lands with tremendous wealth "
    Exactly, if you focused on that instead of lashing out at the world as a response to this fantasy:
    "rid us of the interference of the colonial powers"
    We'd all possibly live in peace. See nobody, not even the Great Satan is free from outside interference. Its what you make of yourselves that matters, and frankly, Muslims have looked backward for too long. That's fine by me as long as your complaints of victimhood don't affect me, because I have my own problems. I say again that you've enslaved yourselves – to your ideology, your "leaders," and your Imams. Wise up. The killing stops when Muslims stop killing.

  32. Chad says:

    Tedster,I finally made it. Vox sent my information this evening, so here I am. I hate to say this, but it looks like the thread has upstaged the post. What's the world coming to? Oh, and do you know a liberal nutroot named Tea? He or She replied to you on a thread for a post I did over at FreeWillHe, which is like 800 years old or something. Iced Tea would be better, I think. Okay then. I'm gonna go ruin some other "progressive's"…er, uh, I mean, backwardassive's day.

  33. TedWest says:

    <CORRECTION>
    In a reply above, I said this:

    "I now feel, nay demand, that any war America enters into should last more than one day."
    That should have read:

    I now feel, nay demand, that any war America enters into should last NO MORE THAN one day.
    When you possess overwhelming force, you use it – overwhelmingly.

  34. TedWest says:

    Tea? You mean this Tea?
    As to the thread taking on a life of its own, all I can do is start 'em, I can't control what people read into them. But as you well know, if you keep going, every so often you get lucky.

  35. Omari Omarya says:

    We are kind but not stupid!
    I don’t know if Afghanistan is located in usa! Don’t tell me it is because the 9/11 lol !
    Can you explain why Israel and usa has bombed a pharmaceutical factories in Libya and Syria?
    Democracy in Iraq is not killing more than 500 Iraqi scientists…
    Who has killed the Iranian scientist month ago, in Iran?
    Peace and love

  36. Omari Omarya says:

    ALLAH bless you and bless our Umma, enshaALLAH, don't worry
    20 000 American embrace Islam in one Year! MashaALLAH!
    70 000 French embrace Islam in one year! MashaALLAH !
    100 Jews embrace Islam in one year! MashaALLAH!
    ALLAH IS GREAT!

  37. TedWest says:

    Oh Al's great all right, I couldn't agree more.
    He's great at maintaining the loyalty of more than a quarter of the world's population despite the fact that he's subjected them to living in the most miserable conditions, even as their lands possess great potential wealth.
    And Al's saddled them with a set of primitive rules and values that prevent them from using that wealth to improve their conditions.
    Al's also instilled in a great many of them the wondrous ability to transfer blame from Al himself and place it on the backs of innocents. Then Al's given his followers the ability to justify the most hideous forms of violence against those innocents.
    Yeah, Al's a really great guy. Just look what he's done to you!
    I'm sorry, I meant "FOR you."
    He's enabled you to unclutter your life and focus your limited brainpower on reaching illogical conclusions and believing that everyone who's not a member of your cult is out to persecute you.
    And when those same people try to free you from the grotesque bonds that limit your opportunity and render you perpetually angry, they are met with the Mother of all Stockholm Syndromes.
    Allah is great indeed. Wise up before you blow up.

  38. Darcy says:

    Hey Chad!Yes the Tedster has really done it this time. And Tea has been 'round to comment on my sewing skills too. I'm starting to think Madonna.

  39. Omari Omarya says:

    If you think that we are sad in our life, you are wrong! Muslim woman is the happiest woman in the world!
    We are respected, like a sister when we are youth, like a mother when we are old.
    In Islamic law, the husband must allow to his wife to live in the same conditions that she lived with her parents. She mustn’t work, and he must give her all she wants.
    In Afghanistan, usa say that women are oppressed, now! After the full of Taliban, why they continue to wear the same clothes?
    In 1987, 45% of French women like to get married to an Oriental husband! Why? They want get more respect; and to stop working like slaves!
    In EU, women work the same hours and they are paid less, because they are women!!! Big lol !
    ALLAH IS GREAT!

  40. Ima says:

    Muslims were not made to be subjugated and cowered. Muslims were made to be strong!!!
    As the Muslim Ummah emerges from the Gaza Masacre, we recognize that the root cause of the problem is the Capitalist foreign policy. It is this policy that established the state of Israel and by which the West supports the treacherous Muslim rulers as a way to ensure that the Muslim Ummah remains dominated by Capitalism.
    Only through the re-establishment of the Khilafah Rashidah in the Muslim lands can Islamic rule be restored and the people of the region return to living in peace, justice, and security.
    If we attempt to imitate the Capitalist nations we will fail to achieve prosperity in this life and face humiliation in the next life because of our disobedience to the Messenger of Allah (saw).
    As we witness the spectacular collapse of the Capitalist financial system – in Dubai or in America itself – we should take the time to realize that it is only through Allah’s (swt) assistance that we can achieve economic success.
    The Capitalist solutions are man-made and they are as limited as the minds of the men who laid them down. Consequently, they will inevitably fail.
    May Allah (swt) help us to establish the Khilafah Rashidah in the Muslim Lands according to the method of the Prophet (saw) and build a global economic system that will bring prosperity to all.
    Any observer of the state of the Capitalist economic system can see that the system is on the verge of collapse – if it has not collapsed already. Whatever efforts the Capitalists have planned to salvage the system can only at best provide temporary relief. This is because the causes of the problem lie within the foundations of Capitalism, and cannot be solved by mere patch work on the surface.
    Only when the Islamic State is established can the Muslims, Jews, Christians, and others return to living in peace, justice, and tranquility – just as we did before the West invaded and implanted the foreign entity in our lands.

  41. Omari Omarya says:

    Salam alaykom Ima!
    Yes I agree, I want to explain to Ted , that Islam is Peace but, he think that I am Mahmoud Abbas!
    We are strong, now! because we denounce sodomy, illegal sexual relationship, corruption, and what they call human right! lol ALLAH PROTECT us and HELP us enshaALLAH

  42. TedWest says:

    In Afghanistan, usa say that women are oppressed, now! After the full of Taliban, why they continue to wear the same clothes?
    And if you'd received a proper education, you'd know how illogical that question is.
    The rest of your comment is merely pathetic, but the Islamic cloud will never allow you to see that. And I'm sorry to say that you've about outlived your usefulness here.
    ALLAH IS GRUESOME!

  43. Ima says:

    Sister, indeed, Muslims are the most happiest people in the planet earth right now!!!

  44. TedWest says:

    Muslims were not made to be subjugated and cowered. Muslims were made to be strong!!!
    Oh Really? OK, first off, if you post any more of that crap, you're done here. From this point, I'll ask the questions, and you'll answer them. If you stray from the subject, you're done here. If your answers don't make sense, you're done here.
    Now, here's the question…
    Four words: Mos cow sub way…???

  45. Ima says:

    Those who become Muslim in developed countries realize what their country’s civilization and laws, which have been fabricated from men’s whims and desires, have done to them, and they realize the extent of the misery in which people in developed countries are living. They see how prevalent psychological illnesses, nervous breakdowns, insanity and suicides are, despite the technological advances and great number of discoveries and inventions and modern systems of management. This is because all of that is concerned only with the physical and the outward, but it neglects the inward and fails to nourish and nurture the heart and soul.
    Allaah says of these people (interpretation of the meaning):
    “They know only the outside appearance of the life of the world, and they are heedless of the Hereafter.” [al-Room 30:7]
    The fact that there are those who are not committed or who fall short will not prevent Islam from succeeding, with the permission of Allaah, and nothing can distort its beauty. Its light will not falter because some people abandon it or fail to adhere to it. What Islam has given humanity in the way of progress and civilization, and lifting them up from the darkness of oppression and enmity, is pride enough.

  46. Omari Omarya says:

    Sorry the fall of Taliban!

  47. TedWest says:

    Right, before they fell, you could blame them for your ignorance.
    Sorry to say, Ima is now blocked because she couldn't follow instructions.
    So I'll put the question to you…
    How do you feel about the Moscow subway Muslim coward?

  48. Omari Omarya says:

    You have insult ALLAH!!! It is very dangerous thing! Promise me that you will never do it, insult me but not ALLAH and our Messenger Muhammad, peace be upon him.

  49. TedWest says:

    When you see him, which I'm sure will be soon, tell Al to get over it. And now you're done as well because you too failed to answer my question

  50. It was a joke? 😉 Obama is so corrupt that it was lost to me. ROFLOL

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