The Corpseman Theory – By Be Hussein Obama

If you're a liberal, you probably haven't heard that the global warming scam is collapsing faster than an Arctic glacier – thanks to the British press, and you almost certainly don't know that the Idiot-in-Chief, the King of All Idiots referred to Navy corpsmen as "corpsemen" at his "prayer breakfast," more accurately known as the Hail Mary Breakfast because he blamed Mary Jo Kopechne for the loss of the "Kennedy Seat" in Massachusetts.

So Bobo continues to blame George Bush for his own failings – and he "credits" George Bush every time he's criticized for trying terrorists in civilian courts and reading aspiring terrorists their Miranda Rights, but perhaps the most interesting thing Obama does with regard to his predecessor is that he claims (accurately) that Bush ran up huge deficits which caused the financial chaos, the mother of all recessions, and bankrupted the country.

OK, I'll accept that for the sake of argument, but then what's the solution? Double and triple the spending! Bush made the markets and capitalism itself unstable, so the way to right the ship is to spend , spend, spend. It doesn't matter on what, as long as the money flows. And the reason? Because that flowing money is spent by real people somewhere, and when they spend, someone has to be on the other side of the counter to take the money.

See how that works? If you don't shower the country with government (your) money, no one spends it, no one takes it in, and no jobs are "created." That's because normal business channels aren't going to create any what with the risk and uncertainty of expanding anything in the current economy.

So if government doesn't spend, who will? Besides, haven't you heard that the savings rate is up? Remember when we used to lament that the savings rate was extremely low? Not anymore, Now, when it comes to saving, up is bad – and not just because you have to save three times as much to earn the same amount of interest you used to get when things were booming.

But see, that's the other side of the coin – when government spends money it doesn't have, it's either borrowing it or printing it. If it prints it, the only thing keeping inflation in check is bad times. The minute things improve, prices will skyrocket. What isa it they say in New Orleans at Mardi Gras, "Laissez les bon temps roulez?" As Reverend Wright said, "no, no, no… ne laissez pas les bon temps roulez!" Because if the good times start rolling were still F-worded!,

And if the government is borrowing money, not only do we get to be controlled by foreigners, but if the interest rates rise even a small fraction, the deficit, and thus the debt, increases awesomely! So I wouldn't hold out hope that what we used to consider a meager return on saving, i.e. 5%, will return anytime soon – unless inflation does, Of course, if it does, you won't have any savings to earn interest on!!!

Hey, I just report, you have to decide.

Yet strangely, Obama's theory makes sense on a grand scale. Here's why: if Bush dug the hole, and Bananarama expands it furiously, as long as it's wider and not deeper, eventually the bottom of the hole becomes the new surface. Can you picture that? Sure the Earth is a foot lower, but no one will notice since it's the same everywhere – except for the enormous mountain that was created from where they piled all the dirt!

But of course, if you build it, they will come, and someone will climb it because it's there. The only question remaining then is, where's there?

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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