No, it wasn't the Top Ten Dogs of 2009. It was Barbara Walters' world – the one in her head. Snowy's there!
And in it, Big Mama Bama is the most fascinating person of this past year, although I use the term "person" in the loosest sense with respect to her… and out of respect to her.
Now I'm proud to say that I was, shall we say, "put off" by Mickey before she ever opened her enormous yap, primarily because she was so coarse. So you can imagine how I reacted the first time I heard someone call her beautiful. I immediately hearkened back to my college days when my friend Bob and I used to sit in the cafeteria and sort out which girls we'd date and which we'd offer free bags as a service to both them and us. I was always amazed at the girls Bob found attractive, and I have no doubt that he was envious of me because my choices were actual women.
Then one day Ron was with us, and the ugliest girl in the world was approaching. I looked at Ron and said, How about her? The girl was right on top of him as Ron turned to look… and exclaim: "OH JESUS CHRIST!"
I don't think she made the connection, and it was not my intent to embarrass or hurt her, merely to exploit her for comedic purposes, and to that end, my timing was perfect. But the point is, I screamed the same words Ron did the first time I heard the "Mickey is beautiful" mantra. No one really believes that, it's just a figurative bone some toss her way. Me? I'd toss her a chew toy, but I know she'd shred it faster than a Pit Bull would.
Here's how bad it is - Hillary is more attractive – RIGHT NOW! But I can't prove MoBo is as hideous as I think she is because Bob's not around to confirm it. I lost track of him just after I threw up in his girlfriend's sweater.
Don't worry, she wasn't in it at the time.