Hajj – It Ain’t Pebble Beach

Last week, I reported on the yearly stoning festivities, in which followers of Allah try their damnedest to kill the Devil, but which inevitably results in a certain number of stoners getting trampled to death and Lucifer living to see next year's Hajj. And while "organizers" say that, owing to increased security and improvements to the stoning area, they expect a significant decrease in deaths due to trampling this hurling season, the highest concern of a group of world health organizations, coincidentally called Haj (health authority jerks) is that it's a perfect environment for the transmission of Swine Flu.

Quoting from a recent news report: "The annual Islamic pilgrimage draws 3 million visitors each year, making it the largest yearly gathering of people in the world and an ideal incubator for the H1N1 flu virus… Under a hot sun Saturday, hundreds of thousands of sweaty bodies pressed against each other toward the stoning walls. The majority did not wear masks, and many sneezed, coughed and spat and looked visibly exhausted."

Ya hate to see that… seriously. And considering that Muslamists shun pigs, there's certainly some irony involved here – with the devil in the details, I predict that instead of a few hundred people dying in a pilgrim pile-up, the actual death toll will be much higher this year – 666 to be exact, not owing to Trichinosis but to the devilish disease now called Trickinosis because that's more fun-sounding and decisive than H1N1 which, as you know, is a tie.

More from the article: "Like many here, Mikail Ocasio, a 28-year-old pilgrim from Maryland, dismissed the swine flu worries. 'No disease was going to stop me from making my Hajj,' he said. 'Allah made the call to me and made it available and nothing is going to stop me.'"

And who said Al doesn't have a sense of humor?

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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