Thursday, 8am, I walk into the kitchen…
Wife: I ate yogurt with mayonnaise in it yesterday.
Me (after a pause): Was it good?
Wife: Aaaaa… it was awful!!
Me: That's funny, it was great on a potato late at night.
Wife: Why didn't you label it?
Me: Because it was such a small amount… like a teaspoon. I never thought you'd eat it.
Wife: It was TWO tablespoons!
Me: So now it's gone?
Wife: I returned it.
Me: You… you put what you were eating back in the container?
Wife: I returned what was LEFT to the refrigerator!
Me: Great, now I'll have to have a tiny potato for lunch.
Wife: This is my ritual… every morning, I have warm milk and about two tablespoons of yogurt – every morning.
Me: I know… which is why I thought you'd open a NEW container… because the mayonnaise one only had ONE TABLESPOON… I thought.
Wife: At first I thought the yogurt was rotten…
Me: Hey, maybe you should change your ritual to a potato in the morning?
Wife: Just don't do it again.
Me: OK, let's not make a big thing out of it. Didn't you see it looked different?
Wife: Afterward, I saw it looked yellow… after I realized it was mayonnaise… but you don't see well when you just get up, especially when you're not expecting yellow yogurt…
Me: See, THIS is why I worry… I told you to always be alert.
Wife: That was about people in parking lots.
Me: Did Forensics Files ever show a husband poisoning his wife in a parking lot?
Wife: Well, if you're going to murder someone, early morning is the time to do it.
Me (making a mental note):
Wife: No one would ever think there was mayonnaise in the yogurt.
Me: It could be worse… I could be like the houseboy in A Shot In The Dark and attack when you're sleeping!?
Wife: You're the one who's usually asleep at this time.
Me: Then… you could be the houseboy in A Shot In The Dark?!