Breaking News!

-This is a Ted News Alert-

It finally became clear yesterday why John has scrupulously avoided admitting to being wrong about anything ever when at 2:18pm he said the following to Dox:

"Sorry about the goof on TR."

The world immediately came to an end with the poor being hardest hit.

Details are sketchy as to why John would choose to make such an admission at a time of such great economic chaos. Observers say that he may not have understood the scope of the calamity his acknowledgment would generate which is troubling in itself.

As evidence, they point to John's remark immediately following his landmark confession:  "its been a long week."

Analysts note that statement shows John felt he was not in complete control of his senses at the time of his screw up and that had he been of sound mind, he would never have committed the momentous mistake.

However, analysts further point to the glaring grammatical error contained in John's qualifier itself as evidence that he may still not be in full control of his faculties, and they say they are worried about long-term implications.

John himself offered no further details, but with the world beginning anew this morning, scientists will be watching John very closely with the intent of preventing a recurrence of this ugly incident in his lifetime.

This has been a Ted News Alert, I'm Ted West – now with a creamy Nugent center.

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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4 Responses to Breaking News!

  1. TedWest says:

    Thank you, I'll take your reaction as indicative of the possibility that at least a few others may have found themselfves laughing also but felt that it would be impolite to admit it.
    Now if only John could see the humor in himself… I might be out of business

  2. Jordan says:

    I am not privy to previous discussions involving you and John, but he thought he hit you hard when he responded with: Well, Pa – we can't all be as good with math as you are.

  3. TedWest says:

    I actually feel sorry for John because he has such a desperate need to show he has superior knowledge to everyone in every situation. It must be stressful, but then he shows no signs of loosening up, and so it's my duty to keep him honest and accurate. Why? Because he's made some glaring errors that he won't own up to, and because he's a closet liberal wacko (I've seen it), even if publicly he loves to try to appear fair and balanced when he's really just a contrarian without purpose or merit.
    If what I mean by that is not readily apparent, when you see future posts by John, take note of how many are utterly irrelevant, just some bit of obscure trivia that may or may not be tangential to the subject he addressed.
    By the way, I certainly don't expect anyone to agree with me about John, much less endorse anything I say to him, this is personal… It's actually rare that I encounter him, but invariably it's when he's just posted something that he thinks is the last word, but which is actually borderline insane (which leads me to believe he does it routinely), and I have to admit, my eyes light up… there's nothing like the smell of napalm in the morning and John going down in flames at night.
    And I also want to be clear that John is very knowledgeable in those subject in which he's knowledgeable – I think. I mean I can't say for sure because he often says things that no one else would try to make sense of, so you have to assume he has superior knowledge, and that therefore he's the guy to go to if you even need enlightenment in one of his areas of expertise – which you won't, but still, it's comforting to know there's someone like him out there. And believe me, he's out there.
    As for his responses, he does the best he can, but I usually never see them because after I've addressed his current lapse, there's nothing else that needs to be said, and his response is irrelevant, merely an attempt to save face. But of course I would be very interested if anyone ever sees that he's com clean about his past mistakes and his general idiocy, and I would love for someone to bring that to my attention.

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