I thought I'd like to keep it light today rather than dwell on the unimaginably horrible consequences of an Obama victory. There will be plenty of time for that beginning tomorrow it if happens, and this might be the last time anyone can joke about it.
But after staring at a blank page for twenty minutes I drew a complete blank. And when you put that on a blank page, it's remarkably transparent. Or maybe it's blank squared, I'll leave that for you to decide.
I realized that I'd been blaming all the comedians' failures on liberal bias, but that I, myself, had never before sat and strained to come up with something humorous about Obama. Now I may have to embark on my next quest: for the elusive Obama punchline…
OK, it's not exactly true that I came up with nothing at all. First I blamed women for demanding the right to vote, and then I tried to imagine another minority with Obama's experience being where he is, but I couldn't picture an Indian community organizer on the reservation who served as Chief for a hundred and forty days being hailed as a Savior, so I tried to widen the scope, look at other angles, characteristics, and stereotypes… and it all bombed.
In the end, the only person I could blame and be sure of being right was Eve, and what's funny about her?. But that got me to wondering why people didn't consider Eve before they started handing out ballots to women? It's a vicious circle!
And why was there no Ross Perot back then? He would have tested the concept in a couple of States to see how it went before going national. Or why didn't Congress do what they did with Bush's tax reduction – give women the right to vote but have it expire in five or ten years?
I know, Senators and Representatives probably didn't want to be nagged by their wives for the next decade, but that's exactly why we are where we are today – nobody wants to take any heat anymore. Could you picture women brow-beating the Founding Fathers into letting them vote?
And that led me to ponder the question: could you picture anti-war protesters outside the Alamo? OK, that has nothing to do with Obama, but it might actually have stopped a war – because then both sides would be shooting at them!
See the problem? In fact, all our problems would be put in proper perspective if Congress and the President would just ask, what would Washington or Jefferson or Madison would do. Then, even if Obama were to be victorious, according to the Constitution, he'd only be three-fifths of a President..
Come to think of it, isn't that exactly what we'll be getting if he wins?