A Conversation With The Wife About Baseball, Foreigners, And Films

After Tampa's Japanese second-baseman made a great catch of a line drive in the sixth…

Me: Man, those Japs are really making a name for themselves in baseball now.

Wife: Now the Colombians and the Dominicans have competition.

Me (laughing): Yes… I suppose they do… but no Filipinos.


Me: Why is that, we were there for a long time, they should have adopted the game…

Wife (voice trailing): Basketball…

Me: Europe hasn't adopted it either.

Wife: Oh… yeah, that's right!

Me: They've got plenty of basketball players here though… but there's no Filipinos?

Wife: And soccer….

Me: Huh?

Wife: Filipinos also like soccer

Me: Soccer is a terrible game

Wife: They play it.

Me: It's awful! Have you ever sat through an entire soccer game?

Wife: Oh no.

Me: You can't… that's why there are no traffic jams after soccer games – all the spectators just die.


Me: Have you ever played soccer?


Me: That'll kill you too.

Wife: Oh NO, don't do that.. set the ALARM! Oh my GOD, the alarm is off, he's entering already, you FOOL!

Me: I'm sure glad I decided to watch this (When A Stranger Calls)

Wife: I think Rosa's a goner…?!?


Wife: I think Rosa's already in the pond. SET THE ALARM!

Me: What's this movie called?

Wife: When The Phone Rings… did you remember the alarm, fool?


Wife: It looks like this movie is all about her. (pause) If you set the alarm, you don't need THAT!

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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