Will It Be African-American Tuesday All Over Again?

With the failure of the bailout and the stock market tanking, wondering what tomorrow will be like prompted me to pull up something I didn't post at the time, but which seems to have taken on new currency, ha-ha.

Remember when that idiotic black guy in Texas took offense at another council member characterizing some expense as a "black hole?" Would he have preferred "African-American hole?" So I got to thinking about the implications. What if we did that in our everyday vocabulary? What might that look like? Here are a few examples… they might take some getting used to, but I believe they make perfect sense…

African-American beans?

African-American eyed peas?

African-Americanbeard the Pirate?

African-American licorice?

African-American shoe polish?

African-American Forest cake?

African-Americanberry jelly?


African-American Plague?

African-American tie and tails?


Hand me the African-American Magic Marker.

I African-Americaned out for a moment?

People in mourning wear African-American?

The African-American Sea?

It used to be yellow, I dyed it African-American.

Lewis African-American?

The African-American wire is the hot one!?!

I paid off my credit cards, and I'm finally in the African-American?


Now c'mon, let's all sing along…


"Pack up all my care and woe, here I go, singing low, bye-bye African-Americanbird…"

"I see a red door and I want to paint it African-American…"

"African-American is African-American… I want my baby back…"


I welcome your input here. If it spares a single person from being offended, I think it's worth altering our entire vocabulary…

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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8 Responses to Will It Be African-American Tuesday All Over Again?

  1. It doesn't rhyme. 🙂 If I were born on the continent of Africa, I'd be an African-American.

  2. Jordan says:

    Anyone that gets in a tiffy over the word black needs to get a life.As for "hyphenated" people, they should pick one or the other.If I were a French citizen who chose to become an American citizen, I wouldn't call myself French-American. I would be an American. Plain and simple. My roots may be French, but my new citizenship would be central.

  3. TedWest says:

    Jordan, you know what, if you weren't religious, female and nice, you maybe could be just like me!?!
    Zak, I didn't think of it as a poem, but I very much appreciate the inference.
    Now, you know I love ya, if you were born in Africa, you wouldn't be African-American, you're probably thinking about white Africans who are born here?
    And you wouldn't be African-American either, If you we're born there, you'd be American-Burkina Fasoan or American-Gabonese because they have ACTUAL COUNTRIES THERE! People here call themselves African-American because they don't know where they're from…
    And I don't know about you, but I'd like to keep it that way!?!

  4. Jordan says:

    Hahaha…Ted admittedly, the "temptation is great" considering your comical talent, but I am happy being me, imperfections and all.

  5. It was a play on words and Barry wasn't born in Africa either.

  6. Darcy says:

    Theresa Heinz-Kerry said she was African-American… that's a double hyphen. Is that like a double negative?

  7. Lexann says:

    From now on I insist on being referred to as European-American. That box I have to check on all those surveys labeled "White (non-Hispanic)" is offensive to me!

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