The Ted Doctrine

As everyone is now well aware, there are only two written doctrines in America's history – the Truman Doctrine which has something to do with the terms under which people can be surreptitiously taped for a TV show, and the Monroe Doctrine which simply states that Marilyn Monroe was and shall forever be America's sex symbol.

Well, now there's a third, the Ted Doctrine, and when this entry is completed, both you and I will know what that is.

As a time when some CINOS (chicken conservatives in name only… uh. by "name" I mean conservatives, not chickens for which I have utmost respect) have expressed frustration at having to entertain liberal nonsense on their blogs, in their lives, and on the planet, I have jumped their pawn and kinged myself. That allows me to go all over this board that Is VOX in any direction I see fit. Or in other words, this is my party and I'll do what I want to.

But it's more about what I don't want to do, and that is, read liberal garbage.

The other day, my wife commented on how virtually every TV show nowadays contains something that is utterly disgusting, and I'm not just talking about Joy Behar. You'll be watching and laughing and all of a sudden, BAM, you're blindsided with some vulgarity or some visual that somebody felt enhanced the -quality- of the show. And if you're dumb enough to tune in to a Comedy Central "comedian" (I do it so you won't have to), not only are there no funny comics out there whatsoever, but what gets laughs would be an executable offense in most Arab countries.

So I've told people, most notable of late, Mensa Mike or whatever his name was, that I allow comments here because there are a number of thoughtful people who warm my heart quite often. And while I've made it unpleasant for liberals to be liberals here, a few each month still try. It's like Monica said in Friends, something like: "Getting married and having a family? I want that! Talking about pig sex over lunch, I DON'T want that!"

Actually, I'd rather talk about pig sex than entertain most of the stuff liberals have posted here.

So I'm turning this blog into a subscription service. Conservatives and similar-minded people have a free lifetime membership (Don't worry, it won't be that long considering the condition I'm in, and you can petition to leave, just as if you were a Muslim in Malaysia), but liberals will have to pay a "per use" fee, and it will be steep. They will have to -pay- attention to details and the truth. But the good news is that it won't be a cover charge, it will be pay-as-you-go. You liberals don't want to pay, you don't have to, but you won't get to play… ever again.

Not that that's much of an inconvenience, I know. Frankly, most of them probably wouldn't be able to find their way back on their own, anyway.

But this fee will be of enormous benefit to yours truly. I'll no longer have to beg for "donations," and the tone and intelligence level of this place will be raised somewhat. I'd say it would be raised a lot, but then I'm still here, so that's a severe limitation, I know.

The brilliant Mensa Mike couldn't understand how I would allow comments if I didn't want to read them, and he likened my doing so to some absurd analogy that was so pathetic even by liberal standards that I can't remember it to ridicule him about it further.

I told M&M peanut that it was more like a company who invites comments and suggestions, and I asked, "Do they want to receive idiot rants from lunatics?" OK, some probably do, but they're run by liberals who don't know the difference anyway.

Then I told my Mensa midget that the policy all along has been, I write, you read. If you want to comment, you're able to do so, but since this isn't a court of law, you're guilty until your comment proves your innocence.

Well, there it is then, the Ted Doctrine, aka: one strike and you're out.

There is one notable exception, that being if what you post, no matter how idiotic, can make me laugh, you get a pass. But I hope all you idiot liberals don't take that as an attempt to submit your "jokes" for consideration. That's not how it works. You better be sure it's funny first. But don't worry, I'm not that tough. Unlike my ex-partner, Burt, I appreciate sincere effort.

Unfortunately, "sincerity" is yet another quality most liberals lack so I don't know what to tell ya.

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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3 Responses to The Ted Doctrine

  1. Leftism is an ersatz religion- that's why you can't reason with a left-liberal.

  2. TedWest says:

    So true, just like real religion. Elsewhere recently I posted my opinion on abortion, and a very conservative gentleman demanded I tell him how I could allow any kind of abortion – "tell me how a soul could magically appear at some point in gestation," I think was his question.
    I told him that I'd be happy to answer him if he'd first be kind enough to explain why that wouldn't be a huge waste of time for me. I didn't hear back…
    Of course, liberals are far less open to reason. Btw, I have a great quote from Obama that I'm waiting to lay on Snowy should he be silly enough to prolong his agony here.

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