Pleading For The Polar Bear

I know that most scientists don't believe in "global warming," but the ones who do are so stupid that it's starting to give science a bad name.

There's an ad running right now that not only lays out the case for "global warming," it reflects the minds of "scientists" who lobby on behalf of it, and the first thing that came to mind when I saw the ad is, no wonder they want to say this is a settled issue…

Because it's anything but.

In the ad, a distraught Sharon Lawrence (whom I used to like) pleads with us to save the Polar Bear. From what? Lawrence claims they're endangered and that they are having trouble getting food because of a lack of arctic ice. It's unclear how that works in practice, but the bigger problem is that there's no lack of arctic ice. Reportedly there's a lot more there now than there has been in recent summers, and that alone should have shut up Ms. Lawrence. And as far as preserving animals, isn't that why God created zoos… and cameras?

More importantly, it should have stood the argument for warming on its head, because a lessening of arctic ice was the only thing anyone could point to as a manifestation of his claim that the planet was in danger of overheating.

And the problem with that claim itself is that a lack of ice doesn't mean the planet is warming, only that the arctic could be, and even then, it assumes that warming is bad, when in fact warming is wonderful, and I can prove it.

Recently, some nut claimed that a four degree rise would threaten humans with extinction. Preposterous. I've lived through a 122 degree day in Phoenix, and I'm still here. So the entire world would have to warm an awful lot to be uninhabitable. Maybe humans couldn't live in Phoenix then, but Edmonton would be lovely – the new Phoenix, in fact. Furthermore, it wouldn't be long before people figured out how to re-inhabit the Valley of the Sun , although they probably would choose not to return to Tuscon, and boating down a boiling Colorado would be like a floating sauna and would capture big tourism bucks.

But the best part is that a lot of critters might become extinct and there's nothing anyone could do about it.

last week, right here on this blog, Mr. Mensa stated flatly that anyone who doesn't believe in "global warming" is a fool, or words to that effect. When given the chance to make his case and to provide one bit of evidence that was irrefutable, he practiced what he preached and evaporated.

That's because it's SETTLED! Sci-guys don't need no stinkin' facts… which is good, because they don't have any.

Not one.

And even if they did, they'd have to prove or at least demonstrate that warming was man-made… that it was bad… and that there's something we could do about it that didn't have the potential to do more damage. That's a supersized order, and unlike in fast food, in science, it's unfillable.

But now I said I'd prove that global warming was nothing to be concerned about. In fact, it's something we can look forward to. Subconsciously, people already are, and its simple to see. What's the fastest growing city in America?

That's right, PHOENIX! And Las Vegas is right up there too, as are other desert areas. So even under the worst case scientist/idiot scenario, people will be delighted, not dying of dehydration as they hope. Sure we can't garden much in summer, so we garden in the other eight months of the year… and they can't do that in Cleveland… at least not until the great promises offered by global warming materialize.

So the great irony is that we should pray that the few so-called scientists who believe warming is nigh are right. Then we should acknowledge them, thank them, and shoot them… before they have a chance to spoil the paradise that Earth will become….

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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10 Responses to Pleading For The Polar Bear

  1. Ted, Tucson is cooler than Phoenix 3 -5 degrees during the day and nearly 10 degrees at night in summer. We have the Catalina mountains to escape the summer heat and winter sports. So there!

  2. TedWest says:

    OK, I'll see your cooler temps and raise you a shortage of water and higher housing prices?!?

  3. LOL Our liberals are wackier than yours- you've got the Goldwater Institute. LOL

  4. TedWest says:

    You got me there… and to think I was considering moving to Tucson, and for exactly the reason you stated – cooler. Although in the winter, it's called "colder," and we're already cold enough. Like is citrus reliable in Tucson? Because I got oranges and lemons and grapefruit and pumelos and limes… ?

  5. The last two years we have had at least one or two hard freezes. We lost our Hybiscus trees even though I pruned them back and covered them. 😦

  6. TedWest says:

    That one freeze was the worst I'd seen by far, but I don't recall a second one, at least not here, and that's what troubles me. I know they grow citrus in Tucson, but how reliably? We didn't lose any fruit or trees during that freeze, but I don't want to have to cover trees every week, since that's a huge nuisance.
    But the much cooler summers are attractive, so if we decide to scale back, Tucson would be a serious consideration.

  7. bullsht101 says:

    I recently submitted an article about polar bears.see my blog to find out the truth.

  8. TedWest says:

    You'll need to provide a link, or at least say something that might motivate me to check you out, thanks

  9. bullsht101 says:

    http://heyimlivindownhere.blogspot.com/, sorry I guess I should have posted this before.

  10. TedWest says:

    Well, I was going to apologize for any nuisance I may have caused you owing to the fact that we get the occasional nut in here, but then I see that where you wanted readers to go was not to your blog here, but someplace they couldn't have found on their own, not to mention that the polar bear story as you told it is in contradiction to original news reports that the green was from algae.
    That's OK, if you were trying to create an illusion as I often do here. Otherwise, thanks for coming in, we have lovely parting gifts, but you have to answer a series of questions correctly in order to get them. Here's the first:
    How many items did Barack Obama publish as head meterosexual at the Harvard Law Review?

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