He Thinks He Thinks

N.B. – I was notified that this commentary as originally posted did not meet the criteria for being considered politically relevant, so I have modified it in order to conform to standards even if it means that I will no longer be a confidant of the titular Republican nominee for the Presidency of the United States, and that modification is clearly indicated. Thank you.


You can lead a jackass to a logical conclusion, but you can't make him think.

But he'll kick like a mule.

And Lenny is living proof… if you call that living.

Over the years, I've found that you can be brutally direct with people, and either they still won't understand or they won't take you seriously. So once again I feel the need to review the things that make this place different from other blogs.

1) This one has ME..

2) While I do allow comments, I don't really want to hear from you unless:

A1) You agree with me

2A) You have some rock solid something that I need to consider which significantly alters or improves upon my position.

And therein lies the problem. some people and all liberals are incapable of making that determination for themselves. Which is why I tell you when your submission fails some test or burden of proof of which I am aware and you're probably not.

I mean, I take a lot of time to formulate my ideas and a lot more time typing them out, and lots of people have read them and called me the B-word… OK, several B-words, but modesty precludes me from mentioning the best one and shame precludes me from acknowledging the other.

But the point is, this ain't Wiki-Ted.

See, does it make any sense that I would want to entertain every idiot's idea of what's brilliant, especially when he was never accused of producing anything approaching adequate in all of his six years of schooling?

And even if I did, why would I want to inflict something that appears to have been written by a special-ed student on my small but loyal following which has come to expect all lucid all the time here? Especially when even from me they only get that half the time at best, and a third of that is sheerly by accident?

So now seriously consider Lenny. I feel fairly certain that even many of those on his side of the missing link would realize that I was baiting him for nefarious purposes, and not just to prove that I can be every bit as immature as the next guy when I apply myself, but even when I make that unmistakably apparent to him, he still can't put the ingredients together and finish the recipe if you get my drift.

I say, "Lenny, you have to make sense." And he thinks he does? So what do I do then? I mean that's the point where I envy the Islamofascists: off with his head and voilĂ , no more Lenny – at least after a short while because you know, he's like a chicken, so he'll still flap around a bit before he finally drops. Oh and wouldn't it be ironic if he were to post something coherent then?

Because you know I try and I try to be accommodating. I ask questions, I give him more chances, I even tell him what he needs to do… and it's all for naught. Only a paragraph ago I asked you, now I beg you, what do I do then? When I tell Lenny he's stupid, it seems to take it badly, even though I do it for his own good, and I mean it in the nicest sense of the word.

And the worst part is that I have thirteen years of Lennys, and they're like little gods – they always were, always will be, and always remain the same – stupid.

At some point you simply have to say, Lenny, you'll never be able to play with the big boys, and if he gets all huffy about it, you give him a timeout…. and you don't tell him it's forever, because after all I've just said, if I let him back in, you tell me which one of us would be crazy then?

Ah, trick question – the correct answer would be – both of us.

Ah, trick answer – anybody who knows me would have realized that Lenny and I were both certifiable long ago – which is probably another thing Lenny would dispute. See, it never ends with lifeforms like him…

Which is why I prefer hyenas. Too bad they have such trouble getting visas. And when you offer to help them fill out the paperwork, they shred it. And even then I continue to maintain…

Hyenas are better than Lennys.

If you don't believe me, just consider that Lenny's mother mated with a hyena, and he was the result.

Get this; John McCain told me that he* once asked Lenny what he wanted to be when he grew up, and Lenny said, "A great ape." Then he added that he felt he was already a pretty good one… true story!


* In the original, I said that I was the one who'd asked Lenny about his future, I lied, but I think it's now clear why - Senator McCain would rather be seen being courted by, and possibly having an affair with, a lobbyist than be seen talking to Lenny!?!

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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4 Responses to He Thinks He Thinks

  1. Urban Lenny says:

    I'll give you this: you're the most eloquent troll i've ever encountered.

  2. TedWest says:

    Thank you, that's very kind. And if I may offer you a compliment return, you're a master of understatement!
    So can you believe that I was reprimanded for the above because it wasn't political?
    And btw, why are you still here, didn't you take my banning notice seriously?

  3. Urban Lenny says:

    thank you. i'm blushing.i cant. honestly. your post is directed at me, afterall.

  4. TedWest says:

    Absolutely! But Leonard, there's no need to blush, believe me, I was being completely honest, and your humility serves me better than it does you. I'd explain why, but humility precludes it!
    Now let's talk about this 'troll" charge, which some, though certainly not I, might be inclined to level at you, yourself. Scio tells me that I'm on the political page – again. Do you think Vox would reward trolls in such a manner? And have you ever been there? And can you believe all this wasn't considered desirable enough for the politics group? And if you have been there, can you tell me how to request that Vox never puts me there again?

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