Ann, Go Make Lemonade, Chop Chop!

For the first time ever, I had to put down an Ann Coulter column. I did it because I was starting to feel that maybe it's better if she, herself, were put down – because she just won't give it up.

No, I don't mean give THAT up, I mean the McCain bashing. I mean, is McCain really the head of the Devil on the body of Kirstie Alley?

I understand that no one is thrilled with John McCain as the Republican Presidential nominee, not even his black adopted daughter, but he's no Dole, and he's better than Nixon, and he happens to be the best candidate running.

Just to hear Hillary or Obama speak is so grating that I can't hit "mute" fast enough. Can you imagine having to listen to either for four years, much less having to look at them? Well then, how about eight?

Whether it's Hillary or Obama, for the first time ever I find myself hating a nominee before the election even takes place. I mean, I didn't hate Clinton for years, and I didn't hate Gore until he tried to steal the election, so I think it says something that I hate Hillary and Obama right out of the box.

Look, I realize that to the Coulters of the Republican Party, McCain is a lemon, but every inspirational book ever written says that when you have a lemon,, you exercise your rights under the Lemon Law and demand either reimbursement or a replacement. Or since that's not practical from a time standpoint, MAKE LEMONADE! For God's sake, in the same situation, Dole made pineapple!

Ann, I'm beggin' ya, and this is personal, find another note on that piano… or at least get it tuned. I only ask because when you become more irritating than Hillary, I'm not concerned about my eardrum shattering, I'm worried about knocking the Earth off its axis.

Today's column is (for about the fourth time in three minutes) all about McCain-Feingold. So I absolutely had to stop reading. But I did a search – not a single mention of George Bush as the McCain-Feingolder-in-Chief. It's too bad Spielberg isn't still doing Amazing Stories.

If McCain loses and Obama turns America into the world's newest socialist state with the help of a veto-proof Democratic Congress, I know conservatives won't blame Ann Coulter, just like they don't blame George Bush for the many and horrible things he's done. They'll just blame John McCain… as usual.

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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1 Response to Ann, Go Make Lemonade, Chop Chop!

  1. Where have you been Ted? America has been a Fascist State since LBJ and Nixon.

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