To Leonard And Other Liberals Everywhere – Else But Here

Dear Master Lenny,

I'm afraid I've done you a disservice because I have been largely responsible for creating a belief that you and other liberals seem to now have that I'm interested in entertaining your nonsense. So please allow me to correct that misconception right now and spare you any further wasted effort.

I don't want liberals to get the idea that this is like every other place they go… I am not, repeat, NOT willing to read the assorted disjointed ramblings that constitute liberal thought, those streams of consciousness you people think are so profound, none of which has ever solved anything in the history of the world.

So how much less am I not interested in debating them with you? And since you're liberal, I want to to be sure to emphasize that was a rhetorical question.

Now I'd like to be more specific and tailor my answer to your profundity in my Bush in Middle East thread, which is different from A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, by the way . I was left wondering if your comment was owing to your deep fundamental ignorance of the history of the Jewish State, or whether it was a polite manifestation of anti-Semitism? I suspect it was a little of both and probably more of the latter.

Now before you protest, I want to explain where I'm coming from: it's that the Palestinians have, long ago, forfeited their right to exist, and so they do solely at the mercy of Israel – which is not only considerable, it is absurd, but more on that in a mo.

And lest you think I am also displaying anti-Semitic tendencies, mine are simply a matter of fairness as opposed to the "fairness" you advocated. I mean, would we be "fair" to Mexicans if they bombarded us with rockets on a daily basis? I don't know about you, but I sure hope not. But then I live near the border, and not in some some East Coast ivory tower, much less a trailer park in Fantasyland, not that I'm saying you reside there, and if you do, it was just a lucky guess.

Anyway, I have never found a better approach than the one detailed by Klaatu, now and forever after to be known as The Day The Earth Stood Still Doctrine, or TDTESSD if you'd prefer an easy to remember acronym, and it goes something like this, and feel free to sing along if you know the words, or just join in at the chorus…

Simply stated, it's that if you (the Palestinians in this case) want to fight amongst yourselves, feel free, but, of course, do be "fair." However, if you threaten to export your violence, you face…

What?

Sanctions?

Violence in return?

Do you know, Lenny?

Well wait no longer, it's -obliteration-.

Say it again to make sure you have it…

See, that's been the trouble with every war since '44, we simply don't destroy people into submission. I have long advocated that Israel reduce the number of Palestinians to a more manageable number, say 25, although I'd be open to a somewhat larger figue to avoid inbreeding, like maybe 50, but that's tops!

I think the entire world would quickly come to understand that the idea of them having their own state would be absurd. Then Israel could give them a nice plot of land with an abandoned gas station and a gaming license. They could call it (to pull a term out of thin air) a "reservation," and everyone would be happy. And if they built a hotel, I'm sure you'd be willing to make your own reservation?!?

Unless you think that reservations are prisons too?

And I think you might, because you think that Palestinians are people too, right? And I concede that some probably are, though we'd likely disagree on the ones who were dancing in the street after 9/11.

But this whole problem has gotten as big as it is, I believe, because because Israel's approach has been based on the old Jewish slogan of "An eye for an eye." I'm sure someone as astute as you sees the problem with that because you're smarter than the average Jew, but it's simply that it requires that you be attacked before responding and then you retaliate only to the point of parity.

Even as a young man (and I'm sure you'll realize this too when you get to that point), I realized that to be an effective slogan, it required a slight modification to: "Two eyes for an eye." Now I'd be the first to admit that wouldn't necessarily solve the problem, and it may even increase Palestinian hatred, but they would realize there's a big price to pay for their terrorism, and eventually, that terrorism wouldapproach zero because they'd all be blind!. Then maybe Israel could give them their state, and they could put the boundaries in Braille? Which, if you think about it, isn't that what the fence is now?

So I'd like you to take what I've said in the spirit in which it was given, and if you feel a need to respond, I suggest you give it very careful consideration as I have here, and if you come up with something you think makes sense, don't post it, because it doesn't, and I'm not going to listen to any more of your ideas of "fairness."

Now this:

JERUSALEM – Israel sealed all border crossings with the Gaza Strip on Friday, cutting off the flow of vital supplies to the besieged territory in an attempt to stop Palestinian rocket barrages on Israeli border towns.

The killing stops when the Palestinians stop killing.

Warmest regards,

Ted

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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5 Responses to To Leonard And Other Liberals Everywhere – Else But Here

  1. Urban Lenny says:

    I seem to have hit a nerve with the topic of Israel. maybe you're right– we should kill them all, or at least reduce them to a fraction of their original population. that will solve the problem. it certainly did here in North America, if i may use your native american analogy. Then we can give the arabs tons of booze and casinos and they'll leave us all alone.how about this: we let the Israelis do whatever they want– they can give them a state, they can bomb the shit out of them, they can permanently starve them of food and fuel, etc– but can we stop paying for it? Israel is more than capable of defending itself. they basically have a smaller version of our military, complete with the latest high-tech weapons and a mini-nuclear arsenal. and speaking of making sense… do you know what makes no sense ted? Handing over Iraq to the Iranian government-backed Shiite Muslims on a silver platter, and then appeasing our worried Sunni Arab Oil pimps in Saudi Arabia by selling them 20 BILLION dollars
    worth of high-tech weaponry (which we also hope will slow down the all the money those close allies of ours have been sending to the
    Sunni insurgents in Iraq that are fighting against and killing our troops and the U.S.-backed
    Shiite-dominated government there.) But wait– now Israel is nervous, so we promise to send them, over the next decade, 30 BILLION additional dollars in U.S. Military aid– a 43
    percent increase. And dont forget– we are also giving Egypt more and 2 Billion a year, and we've given Pakistan 10 Billion since 2001.That makes no sense.On who's behalf are we doing this? Who's interests are really being served by arming both sides of various centuries-old religious and territorial conflicts? I don't know if you personally remember President Eisenhower's farewell address in 1961– i dont think you're that old– but i'm sure you've read it.

  2. Urban Lenny says:

    oh, and by the way, and claiming even a hint of "anti-semitism" in response to my other comment is such utter bullshit ted. for being such the profound and sensible thinker, that sure was one lame-ass cop out.

  3. TedWest says:

    I'm chagrined to admit that was a pretty good post! Of course, you've done yourself a disservice now that I know what you are capable of.
    So I'll see your aid-scrapping request, and I'll raise you this: We should stop all aid to everyone except those countries who practice some form of democracy.. In fact, I am a big subscriber to Jonah Goldberg's four-year-old suggestion that we withdraw from the UN and set up a new organization composed only of those countries whom we certify as democratic. Wouldn't that accomplish both your and my aims?
    And I can easily stop aid to Israel if you'll sign on to my own proposal that we make Israel the 51st State. Can you imagine how that would change perspectives? Of course, the Jews may be like Puerto Ricans, so as an alternative, I suggest we move Israel to Baja. Not only would that shrink our border with Mexico, at least a part of our immigration problem would become Israel's – unless Mexicans also hate Jews? And of course there would still be that problem that seems to follow Jews wherever they go – the right of return. but we could tell them, "Hey, you don't seem to anxious to return to Mexico now?!?"
    Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone?
    If only somebody said that to the "Palestinians" in 1948, eh?
    Now, am I to assume you think that I'm all for that sale to the Saudis? Although I should add that I am even more upset at the sight of Bush beeging them for oil assistance. Has he ever looked worse? And yes, I know that's saying something.
    Finally, Israel is not about any religious conflict, and it's only coincidence that it's about territory, because it's really about the Germans not finishing the job.
    And lastly (as contrasted with 'finally"), may I say that I'm growing increasing antsy (which could very well be affecting my responses to you) because you're not exactly e.e. cummings?

  4. Urban Lenny says:

    i will respond at greater length, but following the long weekend– not now. and sorry about he punctuation/capitalization/writing style. not trying to ape anyone– that's just the way i do it.

  5. Eudora says:

    "The killing stops when the Palestinians stop killing."That makes too much sense and most, if not all, Libs rarely have any.

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