I'm reading all the reports about record cold and snow in the US, and not one single report mentions Phoenix. Hey media, when we're cold, do we not shiver?
Last February, we had the coldest temperatures I'd ever seen in my decades long residence, and now we're having the longest cold spell I've ever experienced. It's FREEZING!
Sure it's only that way for a few hours, and it's supposed to be 70 degrees on New Year's Day, but it was only 55 today – for a HIGH for Christ's sake! I mean what if Bethlehem had been like that? You couldn't give birth in a manger in Phoenix today, Child Protective Services would take the kid right away. If I'd wanted 55 for a high in December, I'd have moved to Tulsa… or maybe Iraq, which is somewhat more sophisticated.
I'm used to putting blankets on the bed, but this year, I have to wear multiple layers besides. Last night, I even put socks on my hands, and I'm still FREEZING! although I was able to trick my wife into believing that a mink was talking to her, so maybe it was worth it.
Somebody please make the global warming go away, it's so bad that I'm thinking of turning on the heat at night… although It's probably safe to turn the refrigerator off so as not to increase my carbon footprint… or cut down on my pencil use…