Warning: Warming Warning

This week, it's apparently the History Channel's turn to scare you to death – or into submission, as the case may be with a two whole hour "documentary" entitled, Global Warning.

Clever, no?

And the first question I had after seeing it (yes, you read that right, I saw it), was, have documentary standards always been this low and I never noticed before?

This is such a fantastic piece of propaganda, that it must make AL Gore jealous. Although I don't really know how it compares to Gore's scare-mongering, since I didn't and won't be seeing his movie because… well…  he's in it.

But now at least I get what the claims of the warmalarmists are – they really do fear a runaway chain reaction that could warm the planet by twenty (count 'em) degrees in two decades which, coincidentally, corresponds roughly to the remainder of Gore's lifespan.

At least that's the fear of some of the "consensi" (the twenty degree rise, not that Al Gore might live another twenty years). Still, the program ends with one of their number telling us that there's still time, and many of the claims in the body of the documentary are contradictory or dependent on the "consensus" being right, not to mention that events that might mitigate actual warming were virtually ignored, even after being touched upon.

Last week, the BBC ran a commentary by some science nut who basically spelled out how it was gonna be, and he knows, because he's a scientist and he's been there – in virtual reality, so it matters little that he can't effectively communicate his case much less prove it, our job, as the reader, is to accept what he's saying and get a Flintstones car..

The thing that impressed me most about the idiot's commentary though was the new science it represents – fact free! That's right, you don't need to know no stinkin' facts, just receive and believe… and don't conceive, I guess.

So here's the deal, as I understand it from the History Channel program -  and I understand it better now than any of the warmalarmists here, I bet – it's that man is causing the CO2 level to rise… make that soar, at least in percentage terms, and that such a rise will cause the planet to warm… pick some numbers like 3-7 degrees. And at that point, the oceans will warm enough to release the frozen methane which is 26 times more dangerous than CO2.

That's it! I did it!

Then the Earth will get hotter than ever, and.then.. .OK, the "and then" part wasn't clear, but it will be catastrophic. I mean, we'll survive, but by "we," I don't mean you or me, I mean the rich and privileged, apparently. And since 95 percent of species were wiped out in the last heatwave thousands of years ago, including the… I can't remember the term, but I'll call them uber-predators which conveys the same idea, I think.

These uber-predators, as distinguished from dinosaurs, all died out because their food supplies died out, and all I can say is, "Thank God," since trust me, we don't need those things running around today. I may not know what they're called, but they was big and scary!

And it's safe to say that the coming heatwave will be bigger and better, so you know where that leads – no bugs!

But seriously, while they didn't say it, it was strongly implied that the current temperature is, in fact, perfect, so another argument of mine was shot down.

The only problem is that while the documentary was short on facts, it was not short on images, but one example, the Kilimanjaro ice melt, has if I'm not mistaken, been removed from the laundry list of events caused by global warming, or it's at least in dispute. As would many of the other events and images be, I believe, if contradictory points of view had been given any consideration whatsoever.

But of course, that matter is settled, so there is no bona fide disagreement, and the claim is that it's cheaper and easier to address the unknown now that it will be to deal with runaway warming… in two short decades… though we still have time.

And they may have a point, but they're going about it the wrong way, I think. See, take the Arctic… please. Snow leads to ice, and white is better than blue or brown, but we're getting less of the former and more of the latter two in the arctic, so why won't what works for ski resorts work way further north?

I say we ring the Circle with snow making machines. If celebrities can have snow in summer in LA for their daughters' birthday parties, it ought to work further north – in winter. That seems a heck of a lot cheaper and easier than trying to get the world to buy more expensive lightbulbs?!?

But I recommend this documentary despite its flaws, and  I give it three flakes… of the snow variety.  I can't recall a disaster movie produced by the Sci-Fi channel that's as slickly produced.

Which leads me to suggest that the History Channels should change it's name to the Cli-Fi channel!?!

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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