The Top Ten Results If America Became An Islamic State

The Top Ten Results If America Became An Islamic State

  • National Anthem changed to that noise Islamic women make with their tongues when they celebrate
  • Supreme Court upholds separation of church and state, orders lawyers who brought separation of mosque and state case be executed
  • All space rockets and ships must face Mecca at all times
  • No vulgarity on TV (unless you consider stonings to be vulgar?)
  • Lower corn prices because – no pigs!
  • No more technology races, instead, camel races!
  • Global warming is Allah punishing infidels. Watch the world cool now that we control America 
  • We issue a formal apology to Saddam Hussein
  • Liberals discover Muslim word for them doesn't exist, and neither will they
  • We bomb Iran's nuclear weapons facilities immediately because we're Sunni!
  • For image reasons, we urge Taliban to change their name to "TaliCAN!"
  • We join OPEC, but we're considered an "outlier"
  • We blow up Mount Rushmore
  • Snail mail's out, camel mail's in! They're faster, carry more letters and don't shrivel in the sun
  • Society becomes gay free – in more ways than one

And the number one result of an American Islamic State:

  • The Beheading Channel!

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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5 Responses to The Top Ten Results If America Became An Islamic State

  1. The Informer says:

    The Islamo- terrorist threat, of wanting to take over the world is absurd on it's face, they have no modern technological advanced army, no standing army for that matter, it's a myth propped-up by elites, to pretext wars of agression, the real threat come from our U.S. leaders wanting to curtail personal freedom under the pretext of fighting terrorism…. the (terrorist)y hate us because of our freedoms…… so our politicians curtail freedom here in the U.S. by enacting laws allready waiting in the wings to curtail our personal freedoms, everyone in the U.S. becomes a suspected terrorist, even if you are blond-blue-eyed individual.

  2. TedWest says:

    Info,
    Don't take this the wrong way, but you sound like a bigger moron than you actually are.

  3. Scio, Scio says:

    are you totally stupid or just partially deluded? The people we are fighting have stated explicitly that they want us to convert or suffer the consequences. And why you think having a standing army is anything important is beyond me, but it shows you haven't studied this situation at all. You're just regurgitating the propaganda you hear from conspiracy nuts. Let me briefly explain fourth generation warfare to you. A standing army is a hindrance when you are up against the best standing army in the world. But a standing army has some very real weaknesses that can be exploited by a dedicated guerrilla force. The U.S. tried to fight set-piece battles in Vietnam (and won whenever they managed to corner the enemy) but the vast majority of attacks were from guerrillas and insurgents. While they do not accomplish much, they are also difficult to stamp out. It's death by 1000 paper cuts versus the decisive blow. And it works. The only way for a standing army to counter guerrilla forces is to 1. Sustain their presence and outlast the enemy. 2. Offer incentives to the population for cooperation.The Insurrection in the Philippines was dealt with in much the same manner. The old carrot and stick routine. But it requires political will that I feel is sorely lacking in today's average apathetic American.So to sum up, yes there is a threat from these people. Yes they can and have spread their politics across the globe. No, they are not finished and will not be happy until they achieve their stated goal of converting or killing their opponents.Is this common sense enough?

  4. TedWest says:

    I would like to revise my earlier remark. in light of your comment and after doing some reflecting (I can't tell you how hard that is for me). It now seems that Info may indeed be as moronic as he appeared here.

  5. Eudora says:

    Camel races sound pretty cool, but since I am a woman I probably would be banned from watching. Oh … and we have them already at the County Fair.

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