Talking to Sir Dick Branson today, Glenn Beck said the following: "I believe in global warming."
OK, fine. We broke the record this year in Phoenix for the number of days over 110, so who am I to argue with Beck. On the other hand, we also had one of the coolest thirty days between mid July and mid August, so anyway…
Then Beck went a step further. He told Branson that he wasn't sure they agreed on how to – solve the problem -.
Uh… what problem? Was he not aware that the Earth has been much warmer than it is now? Does Beck realize that there's every chance that a warmer world might be better in many ways than the current one?
That's why I don't mind them doing research on how to curtail warming – just as long as they don't try to implement it. Doing so might result in unanticipated and highly undesirable changes, e.g. ethanol, good (maybe); ethanol from corn, bad. The time to start curbing stuff is when it becomes abundantly clear that we can no longer adapt to and live with a warming planet.
And that time is still hundreds of years off, even if some people like Al Gore might be all panicked now. That only proves they are somewhat to considerably below average in the intelligence department… and/or insane.
And it's pretty easy to see why.
They're concerned that the average temperature might increase a few degrees. Now did I just mention that Phoenix has had thirty days above 110 this year? OK, no, I didn't mention the number of days, but the point is that in Phoenix, the average summer high is about twenty degrees higher than where most of you live. And you're worried about warming three degrees?
Weatherman: "The high tomorrow will be 86. If it weren't for global warming, we'd be looking at 85.5… which some smart alecks would round up to 86."
Although I can see why you might feel concerned if you picture the desert as a vast wasteland because you've seen movies – like those featuring the public school system, but in reality the picture of a wasteland couldn't be further from the truth.
"But you can't grow anything in the summer and it hardly rains," you say? Right, we can't grow much during the hottest months. On the other hand, we can grow things over the other eight months.
And how many months do you enjoy in your garden?
And as for drought, are you kidding, you'll have an abundance of water once the polar ice cap melts.
Besides, people seem to think that as the Earth warms, there will be less rain. Let's see, more water will evaporate because it's warmer, so somebody please tell me where that will go? I mean, have you ever been to Miami in the summer?
So the point is, it's not so much that there's a problem with global warming as there is a problem with global hysteria. And if you join it, it's gonna cost you. And worse, if you join it, it's gonna cost ME.But I'm not complaining because I'm way more efficient than you are, anyway.
How do I know? Are you watching Living With Ed on Home & Gay TV? Ed Begley Jr. fancies himself to be the quintessential environmentalist, and maybe he is if wasting all kinds of money in order to save a few bucks on energy merits that label, but he did an energy audit on his friend and the result was that the friend spends about ten grand a year on fuel bills – gas, electric, and automobiles. So they replaced all her light bulbs with compact fluorescents.
I'm not kidding.
Ed also reset her pool timer so it ran hours less a day. Uh Ed, shouldn't you have reset the entire pool to, say, a lawn?
Anyway, I have a pool that seems to be a similar size and so the wife and I took a mo to asses our yearly energy bill. It came to about two thousand dollars, and that reflects the new higher gasoline prices we've been living with – and the pool which has become a liability because we don't use it – because the pigeons and ducks do, but that's a past and future story.
By the way, my wife says I'm a short, less handsome, but more rugged version of Ed Begley Jr., so eat your hearts out, guys.
And when you read things like moose and cattle are causing the Earth to warm, understand that getting rid of moose and cattle – good. Getting rid of them because they cause warming, bad. After all, what purpose to animals serve anymore? Don't we have enough films of them – and zoos?
I just saw a documentary that said hundreds of people in Africa are eaten alive by lions every year. And then the narrator lamented the fact that the lion population used to number in the millions and now it's only thirty thousand. Huh? Like Africans don't have enough to contend with from mosquitoes and corruption that the limousine liberals want more lions? And wouldn't that then add to global warming, or are lions carbon neutral because they eat humans?
And would you like to pitch in to give Ed Begley the gift of an African safari?
And back in the good old U.S. of A, suppose warming does somehow cause more drought. Then liberals can do what liberals do best – frantically mobilize people in a massive, symbolic effort. Can't you just see Glenn Beck and Richard Branson linked arm in arm willions of others as the problem of our drought-stricken country is eradicated on one single Saturday with Cry Across America?