Warming To DiCaprio

Making a run for the title: "Most Brilliant Leonardo In History", DiCaprio has just issued the most dire warning yet about global warming – that mankind faces extinction.

 
If that seems like bad news, the good news is, at least we'll finally find out if we caused it!
 
By the way, oddsmakers say DiCaprio has a good chance of winning the title for at least two reasons: his only competition has been dead for five centuries, and all the judges watch Entertainment Tonight.
 
This reporter had several questions:
 
1) Was his warning inclusive of all life?
 
2) Or would privileged people and lower life forms such as himself and Al Gore survive?
 
Repeated calls to DiCap's agent have gone unanswered.
 
DiCaprio is also on record as saying he wants to scare people as much as possible, which begs the additional question. is he doing that out of genuine concern for humanity or because extinction would put a dent in his box office figures?
 
Oh, and will the last person out please turn off the sun? I mean, we still don't want to waste energy, do we?

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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One Response to Warming To DiCaprio

  1. dox^2 says:

    Well, if his theme was more like… "global warming is serious, but we just don't know how bad it will really be in 50-100 years," I don't think Al Gore would like that… So it has to be "global warming is serious… and we will turn out just like the dinosaurs."

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