Cheryl Eat Thyself

It seems if you're a liberal, there's no such thing as propriety – or class – or, especially, hypocrisy.

At the tail end of a week that saw 32 people killed on a Virginia college campus, otherwise known as a good day in Baghdad, it was of utmost importance that another scumbag liberal confront an Administration official about a non-issue.

I'm sorry, did I say "another scumbag liberal?" I misspoke. Cheryl Crow is not just another scumbag, oh no. With her Saturday night antics she takes her place alongside such quintessential scumbags as Al Gore, John Kerry, and the Billarys.

Of course if it were only about Saturday night's correspondents dinner, she might still be a run-of-the-mill liberal nut case, but when you consider that this lunatic wants you to cut back on toilet paper to save the planet, she could easily be Al Gore's bastard daughter.

But now I've used the terms "lunatic" and "scumbag" rather indiscriminately it would seem. But not really.

The tissue thing would definitely qualify as lunacy, but it's what came after that makes her an unqualified scumbag. But again, don't get me wrong, she was already a scumbag, the following merely defines it.

For this hypocritical ho who wants you all to become sheet scrimpers, travels around with an entourage big enough to make some heads-of state envious. Of course, if the entouragees all lived frugally and bought carbon (not the paper variety, obviously) offsets, and thus offered an example for us all to follow, Mz. Crow would be of exemplary moral character.

But alas, to be liberal and possess moral character is preposterous, and the impossibility of it can be shown with a single word – abortion. That's not to say that I agree that all abortion is murder, but all abortions are a compromise of principles.

More to the point, did you see the list of "necessities," that must be in place for a night of Crowing? Things like - Coke, fruit juices, beer, Snapple, ginger ale, Australian Cabernet, Merlot, bourbon, gin, brandy… and soy milk, "Crow Punch" if you will? Then there's dinner, snacks, candy, gum, and of course, the Marlboro Lights. Where would a conscientious leftist be without her fags?

And don't forget the "6 postcards of local interest with stamps" for this hypocrite's hypocrite. Was there ever a more appropriately named scumbag liberal? But perhaps she could redeem herself if at her next concert, she'd simply eat a hefty helping of her last name!?!

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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One Response to Cheryl Eat Thyself

  1. Oh, this is so brilliant. I love reading your blog. You have such a creative way with words and you are so entertaining. I wish I could think of something clever to add, but alas, I have not been awake long enough and I'm still on my 1st cup of coffee, so nothing is flowing from my brain yet. I keeps telling me while I was peacefully sleeping, it was busy creating dreams, so it wants to rest a little longer. Let me just say, I agree with everything you said. Ditto!

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