News You Can Use From (Formerly Great) Britain

Don't stare at Muslims and apes.

It causes one group to be sad and withdrawn, while it makes the other irritated and possibly aggressive. Since there's no need to distinguish which is which for any practical purpose, I'll leave it to you to make such determinations on your own, except to say that we may be safer if apes are the group that gets the visas if the reports are true. And I'd also like to note that this is the best practical advice to come out of England since Petula Clark told us: don't sleep in the subway, darlin'.

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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4 Responses to News You Can Use From (Formerly Great) Britain

  1. TedWest says:

    OK, I figured this might happen, but c'mon, I wasn't referring to you. I'm sure you're used to people staring.

  2. quite true…some Malaysians think I'm American, and some Americans think I'm Japanese, so when I say I'm a Muslim when they offer me beer, they always glance back a few times…..and there was one young girl in Florida who went and said "her mommy said that Muslims had to have beards"….lol!

  3. TedWest says:

    I know about the beard thing – those are some ugly women.
    And I can easily understand how you could be mistaken for American, you write English better than most natives. And now that I gave you that showtunes tip, it'll come in handy when you get to San Fran.

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