Imus Be On The Wrong Planet – The Questions No One Asked

Everyone was so concerned about the trauma the Rutgers hos basketball team was coping with that no one asked them some very important questions like:

Had anyone ever heard the word "ho" before?

Had anyone ever been called a ho before?

If not, why not?

Has anyone played with any guys who committed a three second violation?

Did anyone hear Imus' remarks firsthand?

Did anyone know who Imus was prior to hearing what he'd said?

Has anyone ever had a two-on-one? (What? it's a basketball term)

Are you better off now than you were before the nap hit The Fan? (that's a sports reference the Basketball Jersey Girls will get if you don't)

And the answer to the last question is known, at least for the university as a whole. One official said, "You couldn't buy publicity like this."

Uh huh.

In truth, Imus' innocent comments (that's right) did more for Rutgers than it could ever do for itself. They should be protesting his dismissal and paying him to continue dissing them..

As for the rest of what I asked, I have a lot less respect for the girls than I did when this first became an issue. It started to wane as I watched their press conference. Imus praised it and them as remarkable. I saw a different side – them relishing victimhood.

But I was willing to dismiss the feeling until I heard that one player had said she was "scarred for life." Then I got it – they intended to milk it for all it's worth, savor their four periods of fame, and hopefully parlay that into, at minimum…

An appearance on the show of America's favorite racist – Oprah. I wonder if she'll pick up the tab for their education? Probably not the white girls, since they're not nappy-headed, not that there's anything wrong with that. 

I can't wait for her to have the Duke players on, and the first question I want her to ask is: "Was anyone scarred for life?" Of course, Oprah doesn't need to pay for their education – because you can't buy the education they already got.

Then as a surprise for the audience, maybe Op will play matchmaker and set them up with some of Rutgers gals and they can compare experiences?

Pat Buchanan noted that the Rutgers 15 are the same age as women serving in Iraq. I wonder if any of the latter have been scarred for life? Or had the opportunity to go to college yet? But then they didn't almost win a national championship, so I fully understand why no one is much concerned with what they might have to endure and what they don't deserve.

I love to watch Millionaire because it's so much fun when someone loses – especially when they think they're certain about an answer. And the dumber they are, the more fun it is. Except that some are so stupid that I sometimes feel as if I'll have a stroke and miss the fun of their loss.

But there's a point to this, so hang on. Even the biggest idiots are not usually dumb across the board. Ask them something about current movies, music or TV, and they'd beat me 99 times out of a hundred. But ask them a civics, history or geography question and watch me come alive with anticipation.

That's because they know virtually nothing in those areas. And it's not just younger people, though the heads with the most air are always the young ones, but that's probably because their skulls haven't fused yet, so there's still room to expand. But it's actually the older people who cause my aneurysm to swell because they should know way more than they do.

See what I'm getting at? Before praising these girls for going to college and playing basketball almost well enough to win, someone should have first sought to determine if they actually have learned something more than just how to pick and roll – and be a victim.

And don't tell me they didn't deserve this, Imus committed the foul (really just a technical), but they've earned this. And that's not just my opinion, it's also the opinion of my brown trash wife who, sorry to tell you, labeled herself that long ago, much to my chagrin – because I didn't think of it…

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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2 Responses to Imus Be On The Wrong Planet – The Questions No One Asked

  1. Excellent article. You are such a good writer. I look forward to reading your stuff.Besides, who is the God of hair that deemed nappy as bad? I want their name.

  2. TedWest says:

    !!! Maddy, I hope you know that your own writing is very animated, creative and funny. I'm so pleased to make the acquaintance of people like yourself who are expressive and not just reactive.
    I may have mentioned that when I started here, I had little to negative expectations, but the people I've gotten to know a bit are exceptional, and even if this ends right now for me (and it could any time), I would only characterize the experience as fulfilling.
    Warmest regards.

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