"The truly great, giddiness-inducing thing about the Justice Department scandal is how it owes its existence to the gratuitous nastiness of these hate-driven punks in the White House." – Paul Slansky

Even if true, at least they're civil* hate-driven punks as compared to Mr. Slansky.


Today's Celebrity DUI Arrests

Vivica A. Fox – Los Angeles, Ca. – Circumstances: failed field sobriety test after her vehicle passed a patrol car on the Hollywood Freeway at 80 mph. No word if Mz. Fox was in it at the time.

Tony La Russa – Jupiter, Fla – Circumstances: asleep inside his running sport utility vehicle at an intersection stop light.

Coincidental Headline of the Day – Report: Intersections often deadly for older drivers

From the article: Drivers 70-79 failed to yield to other vehicles because they misjudged distance –  drivers 80 and older failed to yield because they never saw the other vehicle.

What a difference a year makes!


Two Sue Over Hue:

The first Baby Jessica in the news fell down an eight-inch pipe and was pulled out. The latest Baby Jessica emerged too dark from a different sort of pipe, so the Andrews, of Commack, N.Y. are suing New York Medical Services for Reproductive Medicine for pumping up the missus with the wrong sperm.

Implications: artificial insemination can create bigger problems than it creates.

The couple’s lawyer, Howard Stern (you can't make it up), did not immediately return a telephone call for comment.


The Politically Opportunistic News of the Day:

The bad news: John Edwards' wife's cancer has returned:
The good news: He's still running for President.
The moral: some people will do anything to divert attention from their excess energy use.

You thought they're are making way too much of the prosecutor firings? Well: Jamaica Gets Help in Cricket Death Probe

Capitalism comes to lawmaking? This seems like an inventive approach to countering bad lawmaking: Ecuador Swears in 21 Alternate Lawmakers


* "Sivil" for our Miami readers

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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