What Goes Around Comes Around

I borrowed this from Aput who swiped it from Scio who swiped it from Tesson who swiped it from me, and thought I wouldn't notice because he removed the underlining.

Whats your favorite wine? Whatever it was that someone spilled on the light carpet of a neighbor I hate

What kind of car do you drive? I drive an old pickup truck so no one messes with me.

What is the last CD you listened to? I haven't the slightest idea, but I know Clinton was President at the time.

How much free time do you have each day? I've got plenty of free time, but still no spare time.

What is the last dream you had? Last Saturday, I dreamt I killed my neighbor. It was so disappointed when I woke up.

Do you like to clean? I like nothing better but sadly, as I previously mentioned, I have no spare time.

Are you a student? I'm not sure. I didn't receive my diploma, but I'm hesitant to call about it for fear of finding I still am..

What do you do for cash? Just about anything depending on the amount.

Do you eat fruits and veggies? Is this a trick question because it's politically correct to juice everything now?

Do you drive fast and take chances? Those are two entirely separate questions. I don't drive fast anymore, but would you consider shooting BBs through my neighbor's windows taking chances if he's away at the time?

Do you have a lot of friends? No, but more than I want.

Do your friends care about you? Yes, the fool.

Do you ever think your coworkers may be trying to poison you? I don't live near any farms, so I don't know what a coworker is exactly. How do they do it, by polluting the water supply, I'd guess?

What is your favorite past time? Mocking people who don't know it's "pastime."

What would you like to learn more about? When my neighbor will be on vacation next.

What was the last big purchase you made? That would be a swimming pool, also during the Clinton Administration. Too bad there aren't term limits on pools.

What is the next big purchase you plan to make? A coffin. Although I probably won't be the one to make it.

What is the biggest scam you have come across so far in life? Someone told me that God is all good.

What depresses you? Pondering the above

Do you like your job? I can't talk about it because I don't know whether or not I'm covert.

Do you have kids? Probably not.

Do you like kids? Let me put it this way: W.C Fields said he liked them if they were properly cooked, but I've found conventional recipes to be unsatisfactory.

What is your favorite Nintendo game? Galaga.

What is your second fav nintendo game? Losing at Galaga.

Do you sew? This is another trick question, isn't it? Why not just ask if I like showtunes?

Whats the strangest thing you've swallowed? I'd love to tell you, but decorum precludes me from doing so. The second strangest thing I swallowed was Hocking River water, but here again, decorum prevents me from elaborating. The third thing I almost swallowed but didn't was my dog's excrement – though I did have to wash it off my face

Have you ever spray painted something? Since the statute of limitations has run out, yes. And it was hilarious when my neighbor told me about the "punks" who did it.

Aput,OK  man, you can have this back now.

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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4 Responses to What Goes Around Comes Around

  1. No, you can have it for all I care…hahaha…So, urm… do you like showtunes?=)

  2. TedWest says:

    Yes I do, thank you, but only occasionally. Why do you ask?

  3. "Why not just ask if I like showtunes?"You asked to ask…

  4. TedWest says:

    Thank you, I shan't make that mistake again.
    Hey, how about those Mavericks?

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