God Bites Ted

I know it would be much bigger news if the headline read, Ted Bites God, and I would if I could, beleive me, but this is about my recent comments on Global Warming, even if the message being sent is a little confusing.

See, it is 98 degrees here today (117 Canadian), and it's snowing in New York (as usual, except this is the real thing). But the Phoenix temperature not only breaks the record, you can't even see the old record from here.

Obviously God wants me to not only know that Global Warming exists, but that I should lead the charge.

What's not clear is…. which way?

I mean, did God create it? Or was it man-made? That's an important distinction, and now I know how some of thsoe Bible prophets must have felt…

"Noah, stop whatever you're doing and build a big boat. Then put two of everything on it with you and wait. I know it sounds bad, but you'll thank me later."

So OK, I'm going with the "Global Warming is real, and God did it" construct because listen, if the choice is between God and Al Gore, well, I'll take God over Gore, because God's good at gore, and Gore's no George Burns, if you get my drift.

Still, it does raise a much bigger concern, what's God's angle?

I mean, if there's anything worse than an ark full of animals, it's a space shuttle full of 'em – and light years to go before I sleep…!?!

And since you want two of everything, there's two cents from your humble servant, Yahwie!

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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