Al Gore In Tomorrowland

The safest bet you'll ever make is for An Inconvenient Truth to win for Best Documentary tonight, and not just because everyone in Hollywood is an elitist liberal-green* robot. The real inconvenient truth is that the Association of State Climatologists has threatened to decertify the Oscars if he doesn't.

Then Al "Puffy" Gore will stroll to the podium where he's supposed to limit his remarks to 45 seconds, and if he does, it will be the first time in his life he's ever done it. Some other areas where Gore has exceeded "45": age (chronological only), waist size, and IQ, which, interestingly, he exceeded by a .45!

I hear they've accorded him rock star status in Canada, which isn't hard to understand if you consider that this is the place that brought us Celine Dion – and that Al is the closest thing to a rock you'll ever see in a tuxedo.

Coincidentally, Barack Obama was in Hollywood last week getting his fund raised by his new best friend, David Geffen. I doubt even liberals think Barry-O has what it takes to be President, but he has the street cred to be VP, and a Gore-Obama ticket would be… um… just the ticket… a real "Gorama" if it were to be promoted as a cheesy '50s horror flick -  another example of Al exceeding 45.

Gore, of course, isn't running for President – he's dying for it. If he finally gets there, it might not be the first time the office is held by someone who's insane, but it will be the first time we knew it ahead of time.

Hillary won't take this lying down either which, coincidentally, is the same problem Bill's had with her for thirty years, but when the story, An Oscar For Algore, is written, it's gonna take more than a village to put her in the Oval Office, and maybe more than that just to calm her down, I mean, if all it takes is a Maureen Dowd column to raise her ire. Funny, she doesn't look shrewish.

NOT!

So watch the countdown: Oscar, Nobel Prize, duet with Dion, the Presidency: needless to say, I'd love to be wrong about any and (especially) all of this. I mean, could it get any better right now than to have the camera zoom in on Gore when they read the winner, and it turns out it's someone else? But that's the stuff movies are made of. This is real life.

It'll be Gorific!

* Like forest green, but more yellow

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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3 Responses to Al Gore In Tomorrowland

  1. OMG! This is one of your best. I love it. Can't stop laughing…I don't watch the Oscars, never have and never will. It is so ridiculous, people so desperate, they give themselves awards. Without a script, they sound like high-school dropouts, which many of them are. Al Gore is the biggest cartoon of them all.

  2. Adam says:

    I'm glad people like you are around! Loved your posts on A Voice's vox too.

  3. TedWest says:

    Thanks for the kind words, they took me back to the very beginnings of the Internet when a woman said somthing similar, and told her that I hoped she wasn't being premature in her assessment, because I feel no loyalty to party or ideology, only to individuals, and, of course, what's right, logical and true.
    Warm regards,
    Ted

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