A Nation of Immigrants Gone Wild

Two border agents sit in prison today with double-digit sentences for shooting a drug smuggler in the ass (which it took them fifteen shots to do). This while child molesters in Vermont get probation. Is this a great country or what?

Now before I go on, I want to be clear: I believe we need a proper guest worker program, and though I'm not in favor of amnesty per se for those who are already here illegally, I would sign on to a path to citizenship as long as conditions were clearly delineated and required that the applicant learned English and demonstrated that he's both assimilating and that his loyalty is, first and foremost, to America.

I should also mention that, as an alternative, I favor annexing Mexico for two reasons:

1) Can you imagine the sort of development we could do if we could just get our hands on that oil and all those beaches?

B) The seven hundred mile border wall Congress approved would be enough to seal off Mexico from the rest of Latin America with enough left over to add those decorative curlicue thingies on each end that Mexicans are so fond of – so we don't invite trouble from the homeowners association.

Perhaps we could call the new country, "Usme," or "Amex," or how about "Mofo?"

OK, they're just suggestions, so shoot me..

Anyway, that said, I am not just opposed to porous borders, I am outraged that President Bush has failed to fulfill his oath to protect this country from foreign invaders, and now I'm even more outraged that he hasn't pardoned these two agents, Ramos and Compean, and ordered them to get re-certified in marksmanship before returning to their jobs. I mean, we pardoned a drug dealer so he could testify against them, but Bush hasn't pardoned agents who were doing their job, even if a little over-zealously?

Now according to Tony Snow, the President will consider amnesty, but it's too late Jorge. Sure, DO IT – months ago, but it's too late to avoid another lasting stain on your miserable record. In fact, I think you do these things on purpose, and that you're actively pursuing the lowest approval rating ever as a mark of distinction. And make no mistake, I believe these men should be pardoned even if they did whatever they're accused of and more. I believe they should be pardoned even if they'd killed the smuggler in cold blood.

So can you imagine how I'll feel if this immune Mexican prevails in his five million wrongful-something suit?

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About tedwest

A longtime veteran of comedy and political forums, I decided that I needed a more restful venue because... well... I finally hate everybody. Except my wife that is... and my ex-wife.. and... no, that's about it. I lead about as simple a life as one can, preferring activities that include anything that doesn't involve going out and seeing YOU! And I particularly enjoy what I call "Get the Bitch" movies on Lifetime. You know the ones where the intended victim finally does something so incredibly stupid that she forfeits her right to live, and from that moment on you're rooting for the stalker. Of course, it rarely works out the way you want, but when it does, the feeling you get is... well, there's nothing else like it, other than, maybe, eating chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and I'm proudly anti-wildlife, both foreign and domestic, and anti-environment - especially foreign environments. I think Howard Stern put it best when he said, "If fifty percent of the population died tomorrow, I can live with that." And I feel the same about the other fifty percent, so together, we've pretty much got it all covered.
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3 Responses to A Nation of Immigrants Gone Wild

  1. Twilight77 says:

    I completely agree. Except I think Mexico has moved it's border INTO the U.S.,when there are now spanish language interpretations on nearly every product and manual, street signs, test in spanish, ect. Bush will never hold up his end of the bargain with securing the Mexican border because he knows that our thriving economy has now become dependant on their cheap labor. I agree that some sort of program should be installed that would allow immigrants to gain citizenship if we are not to re-take control and close off the border, but I also believe that we should impose a restriction on how many immigrants are allowed to immigrate and become citizens per year or something along those lines. I think at this point that will never happen though because we have lost control of the border and I don't think anyone is really THAT interested in this whole situation anymore. When the government imprisons border agents for actually DOING their job, regardless of whether they're "over-zealous" or not, what sort of hope is there?

  2. John says:

    Have you read Heinlein's essay "The Happy Days Ahead" (in Expanded Universe)? He essentially suggests the same thing – that the US and Mexico should merge and kick the rest of the world's economic ass…John

  3. Twilight77 says:

    No I haven't. I'll have to check it out. I think we (as a nation) still have the large opinion, conscience or unconsciencely, that we're racially superior and it would be lessening the great State of America to megre with what we still consider a third world country. May I be damned to hell for supposing such a thing.

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